I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
