My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He kissed a someone with a penis
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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