You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
