I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
