You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
