Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize