We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
