Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
