I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
