What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
