I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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