we have officially lost it.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
