plz talk dirty to me
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
