Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
