My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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