we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
