I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
