after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
