Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
