Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
