You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
