I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
