we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
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Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
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I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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