In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
