Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
