I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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