Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Randomize
