You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
