it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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