I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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