he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize