I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
