I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
