I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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