I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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