i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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