she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
