You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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