i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
