I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
