Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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