if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
