You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
