everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
