like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
