My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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