my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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