Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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