yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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