omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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