If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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