trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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