True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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