omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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