i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
