i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
